


mosaic of scattered memories

by ivylynn



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-15 01:09:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivylynn/pseuds/ivylynn
Summary: A collection of prompts I've received on my Tumblr.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> "You have no idea how much i want you right now" for Regina/Janis

Janis wears the most ridiculous combinations to parties in senior year. It’s like her closet is filled with only horrifying options that any pairing seems like something no one would want to wear.

It drives Regina crazy.

Not because she’s been trying restlessly to get Janis into fashion that makes sense (she has), but because despite the fact that her logical side is screaming that nothing about Janis’ outfits is cute, she still finds her insanely hot in them.

Sometimes, she wonders what she’s done to deserve dating a fashion freak. (Janis is quick to point out everything she can think of one time, when Regina says that out loud, so she doesn’t bring it up anymore because apparently her girlfriend doesn’t get rhetorical questions.) In the end, their styles clash, and it’s almost too tragic to think about it.

But tonight, Janis shows up late to Dawn Schweitzer’s party and Regina’s already buzzed by the time she arrives in a paint-covered shirt and jean shorts along with a hideous jacket on top of it and worn out shoes that don’t go with any of what she’s wearing.

And Regina’s supposed to be listening to whatever Gretchen is telling her, but it’s honestly not as interesting as just staring at Janis as she walks up to them.

“You’re late,” Regina states, interrupting Gretchen in a moment. If it were anything more entertaining, maybe she’d feel bad about it.

“Yeah, I was painting.” Janis shrugs as if she would have remembered to come even if Regina hadn’t sent four texts in a row about the party having started. “Besides, isn’t it in style to be fashionably late?”

Regina rolls her eyes. “Oh honey, you need to be fashionable for that.”

She knows that what Janis has on now is a terrible combination of things Regina wouldn’t be caught dead in, but she can’t stop looking her over in spite of it. Her senses must have been dulled over the two months of dating her, that must be it.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Janis replies, shaking her head and adding, “I’m going to get something to drink, do you want something?“ 

She looks to Gretchen, too, but Gretchen gestures with the drink that she already has, while Regina replies with just a, "Yes,” that Janis acknowledges with a nod before she heads into the kitchen to find whatever drinks there are.

“So anyway, I was like, telling Karen she needs to—” but the rest of Gretchen’s sentence gets long somewhere along the way, because Regina’s too busy paying attention only to Janis walking away.

Don’t get it wrong: Regina’s working on being nicer, and actually listening to everyone around her — she’s made great strides with it — but sometimes there are more important things than that.

“So sad,” she comments when there’s a pause in Gretchen’s story. “I’ll be right back, I just want to see what’s taking Janis so long,” Regina explains, despite it having been only fifteen seconds, but if she doesn’t wait for a reply, she doesn’t quite need to control herself.

Because she might find Janis’ outfit appalling, but the way her ass looks in those shorts isn’t something she can deny.

Regina approaches Janis from behind while she’s pouring some liquor into two cups, running her fingers along her lower back and whispering (as loudly as she’s able to whisper over the music), “You have no idea how much I want you right now.”

(She smirks when Janis is startled by that, that being a logical reaction doesn’t even cross Regina’s mind at the moment.)

Janis turns her head to look at Regina, now standing next to her while leaning with both hands against the counter. “You’re not being very subtle right now,” she says, putting the bottle down and sliding one cup to Regina. “What happened to me being unfashionable?”

“You wear it well,” Regina shrugs.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

Regina can see that Janis is amused, the way she tilts her head indicates it, and doesn’t quite acknowledge the question. Instead, she exhales. “Is that any way to answer when your girlfriend says she wants you?”

“It is when she won’t act on it,” Janis says, nonchalant enough to make Regina’s pride act up and lean forward to kiss Janis. It’s softer and more PG than Regina would like, but somewhere in the back of her brain she knows they’re at a party and she’s not too keen on getting overly affectionate now that she has nothing to prove.

“Then what was that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated! Find me on [my tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com).


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you have a ride home?” for Regina/Janis

Janis knows three things:

1\. The big get together at the end of summer runs long; it’s four in the morning when they decide it might be time to leave

2\. Damian is long gone, and with that her ride; she told him she’d be fine when he left because of his curfew.

3\. She’s the last one there along with Regina; Cady is staying with Aaron, who hosted, for the night.

They haven’t been drinking, not really. Movie night just turned into two movies, and then three and, before anyone knew it, they were sitting there, just talking. Janis has no idea why she’s still there, but it’s been… entertaining, to say the least.

The past summer, they’ve been doing that a lot — hanging out. It’s always the same people in a different location: Cady, Damian, Aaron, Gretchen, Karen, Regina and Janis. Janis would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it.

Gretchen and Karen leave together tonight, not long after Damian, and Cady insists that Janis and Regina must stay a little longer. Janis isn’t sure why, but she just shrugs and goes along with it. She doesn’t get to see it often, but when there’s not a lot of people around them, Regina seems more relaxed, and Janis really doesn’t mind being around her.

At 4:02 AM, Regina declares: “I’m gonna head home.” Janis watches her get up, straighten her clothes and then Regina looks at her. “Do you need a ride?”

Janis really doesn’t mind being around her when there’s at least some other people there. Their past has been buried at the beginning of summer, but there’s an unspoken agreement that they’re not left alone. Mostly, because the silence between them is uncomfortable and Janis has no idea what she can say.

“I can drive you home, too,” Aaron offers, bless him, before Janis can even give an answer. Cady slaps his chest, but Janis is disrupted from thinking about why quickly.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Regina cuts in, “We live four blocks away, it’s on my way.”

Janis nods despite herself, because she can’t argue with that logic. As cozy as a ride with Aaron sounds, she knows it’s not worth it. “Yeah, I’ll go with Regina,” she flashes a small smile to Aaron as she stands up from the couch.

Hugs are still not Regina’s thing, so she leaves with a peace sign, and Janis goes to hug Cady, who whispers, “Relax, she’s not going to eat you,” joyfully in her ear. Janis chuckles and shakes her head.

“Fingers crossed,” she comments on her way out, and for the most part, she’s joking.

Regina’s already started the car when Janis walks out, so she hurries to the passenger seat and buckles up without a word. Regina looks at her before setting off, but says nothing.

It lasts for the first half of the ride, until Regina groans when she has to stop at a red light. Janis gets the hint that it’s not about the light when Regina speaks. “Oh my god, can you say something?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything.”

It’s safe to say that Regina isn’t helpful. Janis has no idea what she wants her to say, or what she can say, but she goes along with it.

“Excited for school to start?” She fails at starting anything interesting, but she doesn’t have it in her to think about what that could even be. School is a safe topic.

At least until Regina asks, “Seriously?”

And then it’s Janis’ turn to groan. “You demand I say something and then when I do, it’s not up to your standards? I don’t know what to say to you.”

“Janis, only nerds are excited to go to school,” Regina replies, and Janis look at her just in time to see her roll her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, are we okay?”

Are they? They are, right? Janis isn’t sure how to even approach the topic, and she doesn’t have to because Regina beats her to speaking. “We’re fine in company, but somehow everyone leaves and we never talk. It’s annoying.”

And Janis repeats, “I don’t know what to say to you.” It seems enough, but Regina sighs as she nods, so she goes to explain. “I talk with Gretchen about newsworthy events and gossip, with Karen about TV and things we’re into, but you… we used to talk about everything, I don’t know where to start now.”

There’s a pause for a couple of minutes, Regina seems fully focused on driving again. It’s deafening.

“You could make an effort to start, too.”

“I asked if you needed a ride, didn’t I?”

Janis wants to just exhale a deep breath in response, but that doesn’t seem enough. So she says, “That’s not exactly a conversation.”

“But it’s a start.”

Janis can’t quite argue with that. A few months ago, it would have been unheard and unthought of that Regina would be driving her home at half past four in the morning, but here they were now.

“Yeah, it’s a start,” she agrees. It’s the effort that counts, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated! Find me on [my tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com).


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Forget it." for Regina/Janis

There’s something more between Regina and Janis. Everyone sees it, and it’s slowly starting to dawn on Regina, too.

She tries to bring it up. A lot.

* * *

 

The main problem is that she doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t navigate well in the undefined; there’s always been clear cut lines for every piece of her life.

And when there are none, things start to take a turn for the awkward. Her usual techniques which had gone over well with oast boyfriends are out of question with Janis, mostly because she doesn’t quite demand the same amount of intimidation she once had among friends. (It’s disappointing and discouraging, but everyone assures her it’s a good thing. Now they’re really friends, they claim, and not minions. It sucks.)

Still, she tries.

“Do you want to come watch a movie tonight?”

They’re in English together this year, and no one else is taking that with them, so it’s essentially the only alone time Regina gets with Janis. The only time she can ask without having an audience to ruin it.

She’s grown to actually appreciate all of them, but that doesn’t mean she would want them to inevitably invite themselves to movie night as if the offer was for them. This way, there’s no mixed signals.

“Who else is coming?” Maybe some mixed signals.

Regina resists a groan that’s building in the back of her throat, takes a couple of seconds to collect her thoughts and shakes her head. “I was thinking—” The bell interrupts what she wants to say, so instead of powering through it, she just ends with a, “Forget it.”

* * *

 

The next day, Regina’s not discouraged. She has what she wants to say prepared, and there is absolutely no chance of failure.

Until Janis comes to the class with this huge smile on her face, and Regina can’t really top her art getting another prize, so she doesn’t.

Coming second best is exactly the same as coming last, which is not an option for Regina George. She might have been knocked down a few pegs, but under no means is that anywhere near the bottom.

* * *

 

She lets days pass without a mention of anything, but by Friday, Regina’s fed up with waiting around as if an opportunity will fall into her lap. Boys were easy to manipulate into doing whatever Regina wanted; Janis isn’t so easily led. She doesn’t follow hints that Regina drops.

Granted, those hints could be more prominent, but she has a limited window of time without attracting everyone else’s attention to them. That’s the last thing she would want.

They’re sitting in their spots—Janis behind Regina—waiting for the class to start when Regina finally gets the guts to turn around. “Do you have plans for tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m watching something with my mom,” Janis replies, though Regina can see the look fo curiosity in her eyes. She doesn’t provide an explanation. Instead:

“Great, I’ll pick you up at seven,” she says, with a determined nod of her head following promptly. Her idea is decidedly more exciting than anything Janis could be watching. Objectively speaking, of course.

“Did you not hear that I have plans?”

“Janis, you cannot have plans with your mother on a Friday night. That’s just sad.”

“I happen to like my mother.”

“So you’re going to refuse a hot date over your mother?”

For a few seconds, there’s only silence between them. Regina tries to study Janis’ face for any clues whatsoever, but fails miserably at it. She has a lot to learn when it comes to reading people for anything deeper than if they like her. (They always do.)

“Well, when you put it like that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated! Find me on [my tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com).


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't lie to me." for Cady/Regina

Regina’s first true failure comes in the form of a rejection for a summer internship. It’s kind of getting in the way of her and Cady’s movie night.

It’s not that Cady wouldn’t want to talk about it — quite the opposite — but Regina’s talking is still not at its finest point, even though she’s had two years to practice normal conversational skills. Instead of letting it all out, she sighs and groans, and looks at her phone, and Cady’s too open to keep tolerating her techniques.

“Okay, let’s talk,” she says as she pauses the movie. “I’ve been waiting a month to see this movie with you, not just next to you.”

“I’m watching it,” Regina huffs, rolling her eyes at Cady. Her gaze isn’t quite focused on her girlfriend, as if she’s trying to keep it trained on the TV like that’ll make Cady resume the movie and forget what she wants to talk about.

(It doesn’t work.)

“You’ve been watching everything else, I saw you go through your Instagram feed three times, and you haven’t even liked my lion picture from the zoo,” Cady retorts, dropping the remote beside her and taking Regina’s hand. She squeezes it softly once, trying to get Regina to look at her.

When that doesn’t work, she places her free hand on Regina’s chin and guides her head to turn. Finally, Regina is looking at her; she’s practically at the edge of crying, and Cady’s heart breaks for her. “I know you’re disappointed—”

“I’m fine,” Regina cuts her off, but her voice breaks in the short statement, defeating any resolution she wanted to show.

“Don’t lie to me.” If there’s something Cady’s especially good at, it’s seeing past Regina’s bullshit. It’s easy this time, but it’s taken some time to get to a point where she can openly ask about it without Regina’s walls instantly shooting up as if she’s done no work on them at all.

Don’t get her wrong, she doesn’t enjoy seeing her girlfriend sad at any point, but a little openness never hurts, and Cady just wants to help. The news about the rejection has come unexpectedly and the day before they saw each other after a month of being in different cities, so it’s a little bittersweet having to sit there, watching a movie when Regina’s mind is otherwise occupied.

But if Cady has to wait another month before watching the movie, then so be it.

“I know you wanted it badly, but there’s other opportunities in the city,” Cady continues, gently caressing Regina’s cheek with her thumb. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Yes, but I wanted this one,” Regina replies as a tear slides down her cheek and Cady rushes to wipe it away.

“What’s that song— We don’t always get what we want?”

“You can’t always get what you want,” Regina corrects, exhaling a deep breath. “Very comforting.”

“I just meant like, you have to move on to better things if something doesn’t work out. You’re Regina George.” That elicits a smile from Regina, and Cady leans in to kiss her cheek. “Come on, let’s find another way to take your mind off it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated! Find me on [my tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com).


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That's in the past." for Regina/Janis

There’s only so much harmony that belongs in Janis and Regina’s apartment. The fact that they’re even sharing one is a miracle only happening because they’re the only ones going to college in New York City, and even that has been after two years of saying, “Yeah, I guess that’d make sense,” and, “It’s not the worst idea.”

When it finally happens, they’re juniors in college and studies are the least of their problems.

Regina knows things are going to get tough when exams come around at the end of the semester, because they’re already arising in the calmer parts of the year. They have their own rooms, of course, and a spacious living room neither of them spends enough time in, so everything is manageable. Every so often, however, things take a heated turn.

Tonight, Janis comes home late and visibly annoyed, and Regina doesn’t have enough time from when she hears her to when Janis comes into the living room to tidy up. Some of her friends were there earlier, and Regina’s not the best at cleaning up after herself in a timely manner.

“Seriously, Regina?” Janis asks when she sees the glasses on the coffee table and plates all around the living room from take-out meals. Regina rolls her eyes instinctively, but sits up on the couch she’s been lounging on.

“Relax, I’ll clean it up,” she replies, shaking her head.

But Janis drops her bag and huffs out a breath, clearly mad. Sometimes, it’s not Regina’s fault; this is one of those times. The problem? Regina doesn’t know how to help.

“Whatever, guess I have to do it myself.” 

Cleaning can be calming, Regina’s heard. Some people find that being useful and doing something good helps them cool off after a long day or two. Regina’s not one of those people.

Instead of letting Janis fume about it in her own, quiet and compulsive way, Regina stands up and grabs her hand. The surprise of it makes Janis look at her, expression still clearly angry. “Can you like, calm down and stop? It’s my mess, I was just resting a little.”

It’s not too far from the truth, it’s just that resting ‘a little’ is an understatement that Janis doesn’t need to know about.

Regina watches Janis as she breathes deeply, nodding her head. “Can you let go of my hand?” She asks, and Regina looks down before she releases it, swallowing hard.

She hasn’t realized until now that they’re far too close to each other, and Janis is holding a glass in her hand; the latter is not as important, but Regina takes it in still. When she looks up at Janis again, Regina doesn’t know what to say.

“I’m fine now,” Janis beats her to it, and Regina doesn’t believe her.

“You’re still glaring at me,” Regina states, a deadpan expression on her face. They’re just barely not touching, and now that she’s acutely aware of it, Regina can’t think of anything else.

“Yeah, well, you’re frustrating me.” Janis might mean to say it in relation to Regina not cleaning up after her friends, but Regina sees her gaze move to her lips, and smirks. “What?” Janis asks when she notices the smirk, and Regina shrugs before leaning in.

She doesn’t do soft kisses, the timid ones that are barely felt. No, she likes to feel the other person, likes to deepen the kiss as soon as she can, but takes it slower this time because kissing her roommate might not be the best idea in the first place.

Janis stops suddenly, and Regina’s hands pause mid-air on their way to Janis’ hips. “”I distinctly remember you claiming you’d rather wear last season’s Jimmy Choos than kiss me,” she tells Regina.

“That’s in the past,” is all Regina says before chuckling and moving closer again, but this time letting Janis close the distance between their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated! Find me on [my tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com).


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shouldn’t you be with him/her?” for Cady/Janis

At two in the morning, Janis likes to enjoy the silence around her. The only sounds she hears in her garage are those of her paint brush strokes, and her right foot rhythmically tapping against the concrete. Friday nights are when the whole neighborhood is either out or remaining quiet in their homes.

For the first time in months, Janis is distracted by the ringing of her doorbell. Someone’s impatient, probably has their finger on the bell and it’s driving Janis mad. She’d ignore it, tune it out and let whoever is crazy enough to roam the streets at this time go away; but she remembers that Damian was going out that night, and maybe he’s in need of help, or her place was the closest.

By the time she gets to the front door, the ringing stops, but knocking starts. She looks out to see, to her surprise, Cady standing outside. Rushing to unlock the door, Janis opens it.

There’s a beat of silence between them when Janis looks at Cady, inspects her appearance and pulls her into the house before locking the door behind them. It’s easy to see Cady’s been crying, because she’s not learned the wonders of waterproof mascara. However ridiculous the mascara running down her cheeks looks, Janis decides it’s best not to comment.

Instead, she asks, “Shouldn’t you be with Aaron?”

It’s decidedly the worse of the two options, Janis recognizes when Cady lets out a sob. She avoids the touchy subject by pulling Cady into a hug and holding her close. Contrary to popular belief, Janis likes hugs; she just doesn’t enjoy them when the other person is crying and shaking in her hands.

Somehow, she leads them to the living room and draws Cady down to the couch. It takes twelve minutes for Cady to calm down enough to part from Janis and look at her. It’s scary, the way she looks.

Janis has seen her ecstatic, courageous, disappointed, determined and countless other things, but there’s nothing as awful as seeing Cady heartbroken. Devastatingly so. Janis feels a lump in her throat stopping her from speaking, and maybe that’s for the best, because she doesn’t know what she would say, anyway.

Cady speaks before Janis gets the courage to. “He says it’s too hard now that he’s in college,” she manages to get out, sniffling through it. Janis thinks it’s a dumbass excuse for a break-up, and that Aaron can try better, but she doesn’t say that.

“His loss,” she tells Cady, “Boys are sometimes dumb like that.” She thinks for a second, then adds: “Most times.” Not that she would know, but Damian’s stories and the examples around North Shore are enough for her to deduce as much. “He’s losing the best girl around.”

It’s not hard to comfort Cady, Janis learns. Not that Cady stops crying or that she’s feeling any better, but the words come naturally because she means every single one. She’s had some practice with Damian, but none of his heartbreaks have ever been as serious as Cady coming to her house in the middle of the night.

“I mean it, Caddy,” Janis says after a few long moments of silence. “He doesn’t know how stupid he is being, letting go of you.”

And all she can think about in that moment, when Cady’s struggling to give her a forced smile and not succeeding at all as they’re sitting next to each other on the couch in her living room, is that she’d never be so stupid to not see what she has. To not see Cady and think all of the effort is absolutely worth it.

But that’s far from what Cady needs right now.

So Janis wraps her arms around Cady again, pulls her in. Cady rests her head on Janis’ shoulder and her breathing eventually evens out, Janis guides them down into a lying position and wakes up in the morning, Cady still safely in her arms.

Aaron truly doesn’t know what he’s losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are appreciated! Find me on [my tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com).


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've waited for this moment for a long time." for Regina/Janis

Janis doesn’t believe Regina’s changed. Mostly, it’s because she doesn’t want to.

How is she supposed to act around her? It’s easy holding a grudge over a legitimately hurtful thing, but people _do_  change. She understands that. So when she’s face to face with Regina in the toilet at school, just a couple of weeks after Spring Fling, Janis tries to walk out as soon as she realizes it.

Running is kind of the best approach to a problem she doesn’t want solved.

“Hey,” Regina’s voice stops her in her tracks, back turned to the girl and a step away from the door. A step away from escape. “I just want to say I’m sorry.”

In the pause that follows, only Janis’ sharp inhale can be heard, the otherwise stilling silence surrounding them. It’s somewhat as Janis has expected it to be, but she still doesn’t know how exactly to respond.

“For what I did to you. We were kids, but it doesn’t mean I had any right to do that to you, it was terrible.”

In a way, the breaths she takes after Regina’s apology feel easier, less forced and overall calmer than ever. Janis thinks, for a couple of seconds, and finally utters something: “I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.”

Regina doesn’t think of an appropriate response to that, and Janis does not intend to accept the apology, and much less forgive Regina.

* * *

 

The summer before senior year is the most social Janis has ever been, and it’s as draining as she’s imagined it. The mall, the parties, the movies; it’s all a little much sometimes.

Other times, it’s not. It flows as naturally as it should, and they’re all at Gretchen’s place because she has a big pool at her house. Regina does, too, but they stay away from Janis and Regina’s houses for the exact reason no one speaks of, but everyone acknowledges.

It gets better. Janis sees Regina go back to the girl she was four years ago, morph into someone recognizable enough to believe that the change is true and not just another mask. They keep a good distance between them at all times, and it’s for the best.

Occasionally, Janis laughs at what Regina says, and once or twice she’s the only one laughing. She’s not sure if Regina is doing it on purpose, mentioning some things that the two of them understand but is foreign to the others. That’s when she tries to tune out the sound of Regina’s voice.

It’s like a frequency she tries to skip on the radio. It doesn’t work completely, but it’s in the background, a good enough result of her plan..

“Earth to Janis,” Cady waves a hand in front of her, and Janis shakes out of her zone. “Regina’s asking if you want a coke.”

“Oh, sorry. Yes, I’d love one.”

Janis doesn’t directly the answer to Regina, but sees her nod and go into the house in her peripheral vision. Close enough.

* * *

 

At the beginning of August, just a week before school starts up, the biggest party happens. Janis is informed that it happens every year before school, more or less around the same time. “It’s like _the_  party of parties,” Karen tells her, nodding. “Like, if you’re not going, you’re a loser.”

Janis doesn’t take that as a direct attack, because Karen doesn’t seem to be thinking it negatively. She doesn’t mention that she hasn’t been in the first three years because she was one of the losers. By association, she is now not one.

She’s not sure how she feels about that.

Everyone seems to have forgotten Regina from the past. Or rather, she’s as scary now as she always has been, and changing her behavior does not change her stance. She still stands tall, straight and glaring at others as they pass by. Cady’s mentioned a couple of times that she still might be a little unapproachable, but Janis is pretty sure that Regina doesn’t want to be approached, still, regardless of what she’s like.

They arrive separately, and Regina arrives late. Janis watches her come in and almost expects the house to get colder, but the weather never changes. The atmosphere shifts ever so slightly, somehow going Regina’s way now and Janis doesn’t know what it is about her that draws people to gravitate around her. She wonders if anyone else notices it, or if she’s the only one on the outside.

Janis is already getting her second drink by the time Regina goes to grab her first, and it happens to be right at the same time, unfortunately for Janis. She’s learning how to accept Regina being a part of her friend group again, but she’s not sure she’s ready.

She’s forgiven her, for the most part, because she’s starting to understand a few things. The first thing? Regina is trying. No matter how hard Janis tries to tune her out, Regina is nice and includes Janis in everything. She’s always apologetic and gentle with, always so _sincere_.

The latter’s something Janis can only assume at this point, but there’s a difference between the way Regina looks at everyone else and the way she looks at her. With others, there’s still some high ground she’s standing on, an invisible hill allowing her to feel more important.

When she looks at Janis, there’s a plea in her gaze that Janis can see, from whatever pedestal Regina has her on.

It happens at the party, too. They’re not alone in the kitchen, but no one else is grabbing drinks. Regina goes for the vodka and juice combination while Janis just gets a beer from the fridge. She intends to go find Damian as soon as she does, but she stops.

“Fashionably late?” She asks, all of a sudden. Janis isn’t sure what’s come over her, or why she starts up a meaningless conversation, simple small talk, but she embraces it.

“Make them see you,” Regina winks, mixing her drink. She’s not exactly looking at anything in particular as she takes the first sip of her drink, and it’s strange to Janis how she does it. Uninterested, but more than likely observant.

“Who?” Her mouth be damned. Janis wants to shake her head, curse herself; instead, she stays still, and then opens her beer bottle.

Regina waits a few seconds, gaze shifting to Janis. She smiles this weird way that Janis has never seen before. It seems piercing, inviting. Then she says, “Everyone.”

Janis doesn’t have a way to respond to that, so she just takes a gulp of her beer straight from the bottle and Regina decides it’s time to leave the kitchen. She walks to Janis, pauses as their shoulders barely graze each other and adds, “Some _one_ ,” before moving on.

It leaves Janis rightfully curious.

* * *

 

The second thing Janis understands is that her Regina is back. It’s taken some time, but she knows the girl she’s hanging around, even if it’s never quite directly. Everyone else seems surprised by this change, but no one else has known Regina for as long as she has, and there’s a ridge between the real Regina and the one she is at school.

The one she _was_ at school. When Janis notices this, it’s the middle of September, and she sees her in the hallway, struggling to help some poor freshman understand something. Janis doesn’t hear them, but she sees Regina’s soft expression.

The fact that she’s silent says a lot. She’s not trying to show off, or to make everyone hear her. She’s doing this for the other person’s benefit, and in her eyes, Janis sees what she’s known before.

Regina’s not patient, but she is tolerant and ultimately that’s what makes Janis approach the two. “What’s up?”

“I’m trying to explain where Ms. Jacobson’s Art class is, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t get it,” Regina says, almost annoyed. She hides it behind a small smile.

“I’ll show you the way, I’m going in that direction,” Janis offers and the freshman girl nods thankfully.

Regina tells her, loud and clear, “Thank you,” with a sigh of relief following. All she gives back is a smile before she walks off. Truthfully, she’s a little annoyed, too, because it’s a month into the year and the confusion around North Shore has got to stop.

* * *

 

Two days later, they end up alone at a table at lunch. Everyone mysteriously disappears for one reason or another, and Janis doesn’t quite believe any of them. Damian is terrible at lying to her, and Karen at lying altogether, but she doesn’t say a word about it. Regina seems unabashed about it.

They avoid each other’s gaze just barely. Janis looks only when Regina doesn’t, and acutely feels Regina’s glances after she’s looking around the cafeteria.

“This is ridiculous,” Regina says, finally making Janis look at her openly. “You can sit with your art fr— friends if you don’t want to be here.”

Janis knows precisely what word Regina stutters over, but it’s a common name everyone calls them, and not at all unusual to hear it from her. She slips up sometimes, her tone shows that she’s not using it in a negative way. “I don’t _not_  want to be here.”

It’s not the best she can do, but it’s what she says and goes with it, throws in a shrug to top it off.

“Then why are we sitting in awkward silence instead of talking?”

The third thing is: Regina has been walking on eggshells around her. Until now. She’s let her be the one to decide when they can continue on with their lives normally, and Janis is ready now. Regina is, too.

“Because up until now, you couldn’t even look at me in the eye.”

As if on purpose, Regina maintains steady eye contact for the rest of the lunch time.

* * *

 

Still, they’re careful. The difference is noticeable, but Regina approaches Janis ten days later, at her locker. “Do you want to come over and watch a movie tonight?”

Janis is surprised, but more so scared, even jumping at the sound of Regina’s voice. “What?”

“Movie, tonight, my house,” Regina says, this time not even bothering to form it as a question. She leaves without another word and Janis nods belatedly, as if it’ll matter. The confidence Regina portrays is as real as it once has been, when it wasn’t masked by popularity; Janis has missed that.

* * *

 

They watch _Love, Simon_  on Saturday night, and it’s the fourth time in her life that Janis has seen Regina George cry. It’s justified, because Janis herself feels like crying at some moments, but it still shocks her when she hears a whimper Regina can’t control.

Janis does something out of character: she reaches out and takes Regina’s hand, squeezing gently to let her know she’s there.

They’re alone, even though Janis wasn’t sure they would be, and the house is empty barring them. The movie is highly engaging, but from the moment Regina cries, Janis can’t fully concentrate on it. Instead, she looks to the screen and then to their hands, fingers intertwined, and all focus is lost in those moments.

She makes it through the movie, smiles on both of their faces at the end, and the credits roll. Neither one of them speaks, but they don’t let go, either. Regina turns around slowly, and Janis follows suit.

Janis doesn’t think through completely what it would mean when she leans in and closes the distance between them with a kiss. Gentle, timid and barely even a kiss, but it’s loud in her mind, the only feeling echoing in her head surmised in it.

“I’ve waited for this moment for a long time,” Regina says, beaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments very much appreciated! find me [on tumblr](https://celiacarroll.tumblr.com) if you wanna send your own prompt or just say hi!


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